Reflections on When Love Kills, The Falicia Blakely Story: I Was In an Abusive Relationship (But Thank GOD, I Got Out)

Last night, I attended a screening for TV One’s new movie, When Love Kills.

Lil Mama plays Falicia Blakely, a young, impressionable woman who prostitutes herself, steals, and kills to secure the love of an abusive man named Big Dino (played by Lance Gross).

While watching it, I couldn’t help but draw similarities to my last relationship. Like Big Dino, my ex was extremely charming and super loving at first. He told me I was his everything and that we would get married one day. That euphoric feeling of being someone’s world and being crowed their ‘queen’ can eventually cloud your judgment. Months later, our relationship became mentally abusive. He would put me down, making me feel as if I was not skilled enough to lead, not thin enough to be alluring, and not adept enough to handle my life! He wanted to control everything, take credit for my hard work, and use me to get ahead. I like to think of myself as an intelligent woman, but somehow this guy got all up in my life and in my head. I was 100% blinded by what I thought was love, and was willing to believe the many lies he told me.

Though my closest friends tried to talk to me, I wasn’t listening. I honestly believe they would have allowed me to marry that dude! The one person who was not having it at ALL was my mother. From the moment she met him, she didn’t like him, no matter how hard I tried to make her see his virtues. I would talk to her frequently and she would encourage me to write down any warning signs. My ex knew how much I respected my mother, but eventually began trying to separate me from her, saying nasty things about her, and calling her overprotective and a hater (he alluded to her being like Mama Joyce, Kandi’s mom from Real Housewives of Atlanta). I definitely checked him on the disrespect, but he was persistent. As my late Aunt Andrea said, “He wants to alienate you from the people who love you, then do whatever the hell he wants with you!!” And she was right. At the very end of our relationship, my father had to physically come to my house and make him leave. My father also made sure I cut all communication and stopped taking his calls.

Sadly, Falicia Blake didn’t have people in her life who would put a stop to the madness. Her mom (played by Tami Roman), let her do whatever she wanted to do. Falicia would show up to her mother’s house in barely there ensembles and pockets full of dollar bills; her mom collected money and looked the other way. I’m in my 30’s and my mom still gives me hell if she doesn’t think I’m dressed appropriately! Same with my father! They can get on my nerves! But I’m glad I have them. Falicia is now serving three life sentences in prison because she didn’t have people looking out for her. Big Dino walked away scot free.

I hope you guys will watch When Love Kills on August 28th and study Lance Gross’s character for the telltale signs of an abusive man. Yes, they can be charming and they can be good looking! But if they try to force you to do things you wouldn’t normally do, take your money, or put you down, run away immediately.

Sometimes we see bad behavior and don’t trust our guts. Trust your gut. Also, for women in abusive relationships, never think that you can’t get out. I was convinced that my ex ‘needed me’ and couldn’t live without me. I tried to break up with him several times, and he wouldn’t let me. I’d be like, “I’m done,” and then he’d cry and call me non stop, then show up at my doorstep. I was too weak and brainwashed at the time, so I’d just let him back in. But, the moment I was REALLY done, he disappeared. Literally went ghost. Probably because he realized that my family and friends would be too hard to get around if he really wanted to use me the way he planned.

I, Claire Sulmers, could have been Falicia Blakely. Without my loved ones around me, lord knows what could have come to pass. So if you see a friend of yours going through it, talk to her. Don’t give up. She might get angry at you and yell at you (as I did with my friends), but keep pushing and telling her you love her. Keep calling. Don’t give up on her. Talk to her parents. Get everyone involved. Stage an intervention. Love is a hell of a drug and it can make you do stupid things. The wrong partner can lead you down a very dangerous path. Step in before your friend compromises her integrity or worse yet, loses her life.
Love & Light,

*For the Screening, I wore a jumpsuit by Imme Collection and a Laurel Dewitt clutch.
**Read more about my abusive relationship in my book, The Bomb Life.
***Check out When Love Kills on TV One on August 28th at 9pm.
*****Images by Marta McAdams
******The upside of being in an abusive relationship is that you can spot real love when you see it. And after experiencing the lowest of the lows, you can bounce back and receive the love you truly deserve.