5 In Claire's Life/ Featured

I Hate Mosquitos: Sweet Blood Terror Tales of Triste from Jamaica

I spent the past few days in beautiful Jamaica! I am now working with Seagram’s Escapes and Seagram’s Spiked as a brand ambassador, and to celebrate, they flew yours truly plus a few other influencers out to Montego Bay for a weekend of sun drenched relaxation.

My boo thang and I were situated in a gorgeous suite overlooking the pool and ocean, and one day we fell asleep with the patio doors open (he left them open!). The soothing sounds of the ocean waves lulled me to a deep sleep as sea breeze fluttered the curtains and undulated into the white drenched room. I snored softly (or loudly if you ask bae!) and contentedly…until I heard the familiar sound of a pesky mosquito torpedoing towards my ear, on a search for a midnight snack. I ducked abruptly under the sheets and tried to go back to sleep…but I was hot. So I emerged again. It took me about 30 minutes before the stinging, burning, itching sensation of about 5 mosquito bites woke me fully to my senses. This little bloodsucker had gone to town on my back, face (!), and legs before I found him lingering in a food coma nearby and smashed him to smithereens. Welcome to my life.

Every time I go to a Caribbean country, I become a tasty, irresistible snack for local mosquitos. One time my family and I went on a cruise to Belize, and popped into a zoo. These mosquitos had no mercy. By the time I emerged I was covered with about 20 bites on my thighs and calves. People always laugh at my pain, trying to comfort my itching with the phrase, “You must have sweet blood.” It does help me somehow to think that my blood is so delicious that mosquitos simply can’t resist. People look at me crazy as I swat wildly, while they sit serenely with their bitter bloodstreams. But having sweet blood is not fun, y’all. I am tired of mosquitos.

I’ve acquired several new skills as a result of mosquitos affinity for me. I am like a Ninja when it comes to killing them. I can always detect when one is on the prowl, and I’m great at finding them lurking and making them pay for their sanguine cravings. Tip, if you’re sleeping and getting munched on, they are usually close by. On a headboard, on the wall right above you, or on a nearby piece of furniture. They never stray far from the blood buffet.

But of course it’s impossible to kill them all, so I’ll leave you with this advice. If you want to hear the ocean waves and feel sea breeze in a Caribbean country or hot climate, make sure you have a mosquito net. Burn those Citronella candles. And carry Deet! Yes, DEET. Let them know you mean business.

Leaving you with Love & Light (everyone but mosquitos, I hate them).

*Despite my smiles, I was very itchy.
**The trip was very lovely! I had a great time. Seagram’s Escapes drinks are wine coolers with 3-4% alcoholic content. They’re like soda with a kick! Sipping them took my mind off getting bitten to death.
***I am giving away all of my swim cover ups (except the Fe Noel one in front of the yellow wall). Leave a comment with your mosquito tales. The funniest one gets sand dipped cover ups bc I don’t feel like washing them.

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