It’s been a while since I’ve answered an “Ask Claire” query! But something about a message @Allyd26 sent me on Snapchat struck a nerve, and whoop here I am.
She wrote, “This is a random question, but have you found it incredibly challenging being black woman and an entrepreneur? I’m just wondering if you have gone through some of the same challenges as I have…I’m 28 and still single. I have two successful businesses but I haven’t been able to be successful in the love department. Do you have any suggestions?”
Hey, Allyd26! Keep hope alive, girl! It is possible to be successful in both business and love! It might take you a bit longer to find ‘the one’ because as a business woman, you become married to your career, and you begin to call your business your ‘baby.’ In my experience, in order to be successful in love, you have to find a way to reduce your commitment to work, so that you can focus on your commitment to your significant other.
Being in a relationship is a job in itself! During the course of my current relationship, I’ve learned that my partner needs undivided attention: which means that when I’m around him, I’m not on my phone. I take time to dedicate to just him–and when you have a family and kids, even more of your attention will have to go away from work. Be prepared to make that sacrifice and make room for that person in your life.
The question of finding ‘the one’ is a toughie. Things take time! A lot of my besties from college have been married for years and are working on their 2nd kid. I’m late to the game because I was literally giving birth to my career. But I’ve always been a relationship type of chick. Because I was so desperate to be in a relationship a few years ago, I got with someone who was not a good fit for me, and overlooked a lot of questionable behavior because I just wanted to get married. DO NOT SETTLE!!! The person you choose to accompany you on your journey can make your life a living hell or heaven on earth. Take your time and choose wisely.
If you are a successful woman, you will find male groupies. Yes, they exist! It’s ok to be with someone who admires what you do. Just make sure that their intentions are pure, and that they are focused on building you up and not tearing you down.
Something else I’ve learned from being in a relationship: you have to compromise. I am not a super social butterfly, but I throw parties, I host events, I speak, I meet n greet. When I get married, I want my face plastered on the cover of the New York Times Style Wedding session. I want cameras at my wedding! I want it to be televised! But my man does not like the spotlight at all–he barely likes to leave the house! It’s a compromise. Be willing to sacrifice small things for the bigger picture!
In closing, dear, whatever you focus on will come. GOD answers prayers. I have my goals written on a lamp shade by my bed, so that whenever I go to sleep and whenever I wake up, I see my goals written down. Being in a relationship was one of those goals. Prioritize finding ‘the one’ the same way you would a business conquest, and you’d be surprised by what falls into your lap.
Also, NO SHADE to online dating apps, but I definitely didn’t want to go that route (it’s just not for me). I thought to myself: How am I gonna find a man when I work from home and I work in an industry chock full of mostly women and gay men? Our GOD is an awesome GOD and blessed me with not one but two long term relationships in recent history. One relationship was meant to teach me what I did NOT want in a relationship; the one right after showed me how amazing love can be. And it’s only getting better.
I know I went off on a tangent, but @Allyd26, you will be fine girl. Just be patient, stay in prayer, and don’t settle.*
Leaving you with Love and Light,
*I talk about relationships in my book, The Bomb Life, pick it up on Amazon!